...But no song to sing.
As it is, it has been a rather hectic three weeks.
I am so tired. I am stressed. I need a holiday.
I need some loving.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Worth.
Do not underestimate the value of a 10 minute encounter.
Spending time with someone for whatever amount of time... Most people don't realise that the qualitative nature of a meeting is of far more empirical importance than the quantity of it. You could have 3 hours with a person that turn out to be unfulfilling, dry and turgid.
Or 10 minutes with someone that could change the very way your soul feels.
Are we so caught up on quantity now? Does spending more time with someone, really mean that it is time better spent?
I've thought long and hard about this. I've thought about what it means for me to be able to see someone and to spend time with them. I've considered all of this in the context of my own issues, and my own demons. Of my own insecurities and my own anxieties. Of my own history and my own checkered past.
I would rather have ten minutes with you. Than 3 hours, with anyone else.
Spending time with someone for whatever amount of time... Most people don't realise that the qualitative nature of a meeting is of far more empirical importance than the quantity of it. You could have 3 hours with a person that turn out to be unfulfilling, dry and turgid.
Or 10 minutes with someone that could change the very way your soul feels.
Are we so caught up on quantity now? Does spending more time with someone, really mean that it is time better spent?
I've thought long and hard about this. I've thought about what it means for me to be able to see someone and to spend time with them. I've considered all of this in the context of my own issues, and my own demons. Of my own insecurities and my own anxieties. Of my own history and my own checkered past.
I would rather have ten minutes with you. Than 3 hours, with anyone else.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Hmm.
I thought the disappointment and pain would be over by now.
But it still hasn't subsided.
I think I'll write about the Yayasan Sarawak Debate Championships when they're actually over. The final is still on Wednesday (13th October 2010), so I'll hold off whatever it is I have to say until then, about it.
On to lighter news and happenings.
Socialising during a debate tournament is always fun. Granted, of course, that the company is suitably agreeable and voluntary in terms of participation. As it is, and thankfully so, many were during this tournament. I know that this sounds quite elitist, but there is nothing that incentivises conversation more than the promise that it will be intelligent, humourous and far-reaching. And that is more often than not more likely to occur during a debate tournament.
Naturally, nobody at a debate tournament is going to be a an idiot. They ARE in a debating environment after all. The laws of natural selection (well, debater selection committees, at least) dictate that a higher quality of conversationist is bound to make it through to the celebrated circle of interaction that forms during tournaments.
I have had the fortune of meeting some truly interesting people, and getting to know people whom I thought I knew, even better. Win-win all round, eh? More so than the debating, this is probably the best part of any tournament. Going somewhere with your friends, and coming away with new ones. Bonding with those that you have shared experiences with. Sharing collective anger when things are definitely stacked against you (more on this later).
May these new friendships last, and the old ones get better :)
But it still hasn't subsided.
I think I'll write about the Yayasan Sarawak Debate Championships when they're actually over. The final is still on Wednesday (13th October 2010), so I'll hold off whatever it is I have to say until then, about it.
On to lighter news and happenings.
Socialising during a debate tournament is always fun. Granted, of course, that the company is suitably agreeable and voluntary in terms of participation. As it is, and thankfully so, many were during this tournament. I know that this sounds quite elitist, but there is nothing that incentivises conversation more than the promise that it will be intelligent, humourous and far-reaching. And that is more often than not more likely to occur during a debate tournament.
Naturally, nobody at a debate tournament is going to be a an idiot. They ARE in a debating environment after all. The laws of natural selection (well, debater selection committees, at least) dictate that a higher quality of conversationist is bound to make it through to the celebrated circle of interaction that forms during tournaments.
I have had the fortune of meeting some truly interesting people, and getting to know people whom I thought I knew, even better. Win-win all round, eh? More so than the debating, this is probably the best part of any tournament. Going somewhere with your friends, and coming away with new ones. Bonding with those that you have shared experiences with. Sharing collective anger when things are definitely stacked against you (more on this later).
May these new friendships last, and the old ones get better :)
Friday, October 1, 2010
'Cause you're amazing. Just the way you are.
Patently, Bruno Mars is singing about a girl that does not exist. A pretty/hot/beautiful girl will have been told so many times that she is, that it would have been embedded into her subconscious self by then, thereby rendering the argument that she wouldn't realise it, impossible.
Unrealistic depictions of romance are commonplace in songs, after all. But I digress. Because at least one line is true in it. Some girls really are amazing, just the way they are. And I despair at the fact that they don't realise it's okay to just be yourself.
I have seen many people in university that seek to fit in by becoming different or caricatures of who they really are, just to be able to socialise and get along with people that they deem worthy of their social interactions. It's one thing to adapt yourself to your surroundings. It's another thing entirely to invent a persona that would seemingly be better for aligning yourself with certain social circles.
The tragedy, of course, is to end up being in a situation whereby you don't even know what's the real you anymore. The question is, has the mask become the face? Or is the face now the mask? The circular argument in this context just ends up driving people away from what would conceivably be their true selves. Is that what we really want? Is that what YOU really want?
This is usually a result of someone hating who they are, due to the supposed barriers that it poses to new friendships, dalliances or interactions. To say that it is sad is an understatement, on par with saying that Hitler's invasion of Russia in winter was merely 'a bit stupid.' By all means, be more outgoing and be more engaging. That doesn't translate into becoming an entirely new being that bears no relation to the old one.
People forget, that there are lines that they needn't ever cross.
No one ever said that finding a place within the complicated schema of a university is going to be something easy. Nothing worth it ever is. But what it definitely is, is simple. And that's not the same.So don't take the easy way out. Don't make the tragic mistake of becoming someone, or something, that you are emphatically not.
'Cause you're amazing. Just the way you are.
Unrealistic depictions of romance are commonplace in songs, after all. But I digress. Because at least one line is true in it. Some girls really are amazing, just the way they are. And I despair at the fact that they don't realise it's okay to just be yourself.
I have seen many people in university that seek to fit in by becoming different or caricatures of who they really are, just to be able to socialise and get along with people that they deem worthy of their social interactions. It's one thing to adapt yourself to your surroundings. It's another thing entirely to invent a persona that would seemingly be better for aligning yourself with certain social circles.
The tragedy, of course, is to end up being in a situation whereby you don't even know what's the real you anymore. The question is, has the mask become the face? Or is the face now the mask? The circular argument in this context just ends up driving people away from what would conceivably be their true selves. Is that what we really want? Is that what YOU really want?
This is usually a result of someone hating who they are, due to the supposed barriers that it poses to new friendships, dalliances or interactions. To say that it is sad is an understatement, on par with saying that Hitler's invasion of Russia in winter was merely 'a bit stupid.' By all means, be more outgoing and be more engaging. That doesn't translate into becoming an entirely new being that bears no relation to the old one.
People forget, that there are lines that they needn't ever cross.
No one ever said that finding a place within the complicated schema of a university is going to be something easy. Nothing worth it ever is. But what it definitely is, is simple. And that's not the same.So don't take the easy way out. Don't make the tragic mistake of becoming someone, or something, that you are emphatically not.
'Cause you're amazing. Just the way you are.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Enterpise Systems Management
So other than the obvious fact that I should be concentrating in class right now, I find that my mind is wandering.
Sighs. The curse of having an imagination that refuses to stop.
I like this lecturer. She's nice, and she's always very cheerful and positive. Her favourite phrase? "Don't need to worry so much about this subject ah, I will always try to help you ah.." Haha, she repeats it at least twice during any class we have with her. I would hope that would mean giving me an A even if I don't do any of the assignments.
There are some dreams that are just too far, though. Hope springs eternal.
As it is, I find solace in my imagination, and the worlds it brings me to. These worlds usually have an absence of a moral code that would keep me from killing people that piss me off, and would reward my retribution with the satisfaction of seeing my lightsabre/sword/laser cannons, totally annihilate whatever poor sod who has managed to upset me that day.
Naturally, such action would be impossible in today's world, because there is no such law that prohibits people from being assholes, pricks, bitches or idiots. So this is what I propose.
There should be a law that allows anyone to kill a person that is acting in a manner detrimental towards cordial social relations. Signs of such a person :
1. If male, they like Twilight.
2, If female, they dye their hair blonde in the hopes that it makes them look more 'stylish.'
3. They begin every social interaction with a look of cold disdain.
4. They look like Edward Cullen.
5. They look like Bella.
6. They have the misfortune of looking like Taylor Lautner.
7. They grind their teeth in every sentence, like Taylor Lautner.
8. They think that using words like 'awesome' all the time makes them cool. It doesn't, you just sound like a prat trying too hard.
9. They still think that iPhones are cool.
10. They think that iPods are cool.
11. They think iPads are cool.
12. They think Steve Jobs is a genius. (clue : he's a prat, and a very weirdly dressed one at that. Now that you mention it......)
13. They think Steve Jobs looks cool in a turtleneck. He's just hiding the hickies he gets from Apple fanboys.
14. They try to sound intelligent by regurgitating someone else's argument, or offering up random facts without understanding what they mean. Wake up, morons. Intelligence != Knowledge.
15.
There are more, and I do realise this law needs more refining. But this is a good start.
Sighs. The curse of having an imagination that refuses to stop.
I like this lecturer. She's nice, and she's always very cheerful and positive. Her favourite phrase? "Don't need to worry so much about this subject ah, I will always try to help you ah.." Haha, she repeats it at least twice during any class we have with her. I would hope that would mean giving me an A even if I don't do any of the assignments.
There are some dreams that are just too far, though. Hope springs eternal.
As it is, I find solace in my imagination, and the worlds it brings me to. These worlds usually have an absence of a moral code that would keep me from killing people that piss me off, and would reward my retribution with the satisfaction of seeing my lightsabre/sword/laser cannons, totally annihilate whatever poor sod who has managed to upset me that day.
Naturally, such action would be impossible in today's world, because there is no such law that prohibits people from being assholes, pricks, bitches or idiots. So this is what I propose.
There should be a law that allows anyone to kill a person that is acting in a manner detrimental towards cordial social relations. Signs of such a person :
1. If male, they like Twilight.
2, If female, they dye their hair blonde in the hopes that it makes them look more 'stylish.'
3. They begin every social interaction with a look of cold disdain.
4. They look like Edward Cullen.
5. They look like Bella.
6. They have the misfortune of looking like Taylor Lautner.
7. They grind their teeth in every sentence, like Taylor Lautner.
8. They think that using words like 'awesome' all the time makes them cool. It doesn't, you just sound like a prat trying too hard.
9. They still think that iPhones are cool.
10. They think that iPods are cool.
11. They think iPads are cool.
12. They think Steve Jobs is a genius. (clue : he's a prat, and a very weirdly dressed one at that. Now that you mention it......)
13. They think Steve Jobs looks cool in a turtleneck. He's just hiding the hickies he gets from Apple fanboys.
14. They try to sound intelligent by regurgitating someone else's argument, or offering up random facts without understanding what they mean. Wake up, morons. Intelligence != Knowledge.
15.
There are more, and I do realise this law needs more refining. But this is a good start.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
I could have been sleeping instead.
I was wondering about a lot of things today.
Love, life, the Universe and everything.
And then I realised I hadn't finished watching all 3 seasons of History Channel's The Universe. As geeky as that may sound, and I'm glad it does, I really need to find time to actually finish going through it. I am aware of the impossibility of me becoming an astronomer, astrophysicist, or even the coffee brewer at NASA or indeed the ESA, but that doesn't stop me from being completely and utterly in love with space.
The full moon these past few nights has gotten my imagination running mad, and the lofty dreaming that it inspires tends to render me a rather despondent creature, wishing he could actually go up, above and beyond. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not an outpouring of emo-ness wishing that there is more to life than the existence that I ponderously endure on a daily basis. It extends much further than that, into the realm of a genuine desire to see more of the not just the world around us, but the place it inhabits in the grand scheme of things.
I do realise that this is a theme that I continually go back to in my writing. The idea of adventure is a romantic notion that always gets the heart racing. Or the head thinking, dreaming, digesting and analysing.
Fly me to the moon. It's okay. I don't need to find a way back.
Love, life, the Universe and everything.
And then I realised I hadn't finished watching all 3 seasons of History Channel's The Universe. As geeky as that may sound, and I'm glad it does, I really need to find time to actually finish going through it. I am aware of the impossibility of me becoming an astronomer, astrophysicist, or even the coffee brewer at NASA or indeed the ESA, but that doesn't stop me from being completely and utterly in love with space.
The full moon these past few nights has gotten my imagination running mad, and the lofty dreaming that it inspires tends to render me a rather despondent creature, wishing he could actually go up, above and beyond. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not an outpouring of emo-ness wishing that there is more to life than the existence that I ponderously endure on a daily basis. It extends much further than that, into the realm of a genuine desire to see more of the not just the world around us, but the place it inhabits in the grand scheme of things.
I do realise that this is a theme that I continually go back to in my writing. The idea of adventure is a romantic notion that always gets the heart racing. Or the head thinking, dreaming, digesting and analysing.
Fly me to the moon. It's okay. I don't need to find a way back.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
This is for you, Mel! :)
Having been urged to blog more often, I shall make it a point to talk about how hideously disjointed my life is whilst over-dramatising what is actually going on.
Alright, maybe not. I'm not usually one for hyperbole on that sort of scale.
Curiously enough, I have had some rather interesting social interactions in the past few weeks. Interactions that have re-kindled my social inclinations, and have made me re-discover the joys of making new friends in rather random ways and places.
I suppose the apathy that I was in possession of previously when it came to these sorts of situations did not really show itself until I actually tried to cast it away. The manifestation of such lethargy seems to creep up on you without you really noticing. I suppose it's why I was always seemingly so bored and tired the previous semester. Although having said that, there's still some of it this semester too.
As it is though, there is some solace in the fact that in spite of my issues and problems, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Graduation awaits and beckons. I have tried to mentally prioritise it over everything else, which is difficult considering the stress that I am trying to cope with. Already this semester I am lagging behind in some of my classes, and the subjects themselves are not exactly the kind that would light anyone's fire.
There is hope, after all. With good friends, old and new, and the requisite motivation to make it a success, there is indeed hope.
Wish me luck. :)
Alright, maybe not. I'm not usually one for hyperbole on that sort of scale.
Curiously enough, I have had some rather interesting social interactions in the past few weeks. Interactions that have re-kindled my social inclinations, and have made me re-discover the joys of making new friends in rather random ways and places.
I suppose the apathy that I was in possession of previously when it came to these sorts of situations did not really show itself until I actually tried to cast it away. The manifestation of such lethargy seems to creep up on you without you really noticing. I suppose it's why I was always seemingly so bored and tired the previous semester. Although having said that, there's still some of it this semester too.
As it is though, there is some solace in the fact that in spite of my issues and problems, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Graduation awaits and beckons. I have tried to mentally prioritise it over everything else, which is difficult considering the stress that I am trying to cope with. Already this semester I am lagging behind in some of my classes, and the subjects themselves are not exactly the kind that would light anyone's fire.
There is hope, after all. With good friends, old and new, and the requisite motivation to make it a success, there is indeed hope.
Wish me luck. :)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Welcome Back. To the cheapest show in town.
That sounds like an advertisement for a B-Movie grade cabaret masterpiece.
So here I am. It's been a while. Excuses first and foremost.
1. The World Cup got in the way.
2. Debate tournaments got in to the way.
3. Ramadhan got in the way.
4. Eid (Aidilfitri) got in the way.
But fear not my band of not-so-loyal readers, I am back! I have returned to the blogosphere to bore you all with soporific tales of my bland existence and the lifelong lessons that tweeting during lab hours or falling asleep in a management class have taught me.
Of course, when phrased as such it might not seem that significant for you to actually pay attention to my various diatribes and rants. But stay. I promise to be entertaining. :)
So here I am. It's been a while. Excuses first and foremost.
1. The World Cup got in the way.
2. Debate tournaments got in to the way.
3. Ramadhan got in the way.
4. Eid (Aidilfitri) got in the way.
But fear not my band of not-so-loyal readers, I am back! I have returned to the blogosphere to bore you all with soporific tales of my bland existence and the lifelong lessons that tweeting during lab hours or falling asleep in a management class have taught me.
Of course, when phrased as such it might not seem that significant for you to actually pay attention to my various diatribes and rants. But stay. I promise to be entertaining. :)
Friday, June 11, 2010
Things bouncing around in my head.
I've lost weight.
My hair is getting longer.
I'm awesome at doing last-minute projects that require good english.
I'm hopeless at doing last-minute projects that require good math.
I love playing badminton.
I'm not very good at it.
I love playing futsal.
I'm good at it.
I still care a lot about my exes.
Especially the ones that still talk to me.
I love gadgets.
But I don't have the financial capacity to fulfill my need for new ones.
I love gaming.
I am fucking awesome at it.
I have an unhealthy love for all things Sony.
I love seeing my name up in lights.
My hair is getting longer.
I'm awesome at doing last-minute projects that require good english.
I'm hopeless at doing last-minute projects that require good math.
I love playing badminton.
I'm not very good at it.
I love playing futsal.
I'm good at it.
I still care a lot about my exes.
Especially the ones that still talk to me.
I love gadgets.
But I don't have the financial capacity to fulfill my need for new ones.
I love gaming.
I am fucking awesome at it.
I have an unhealthy love for all things Sony.
I love seeing my name up in lights.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
A place you all need to visit.
http://dancingonleaves.tumblr.com
I guarantee you shall not be disappointed.
I guarantee you shall not be disappointed.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
7 Days in Sunny June.
Having gotten absolutely hammered last night, I now awaken with the weight of Atlas' burden on my temple and the collective droning of 200 schoolchildren in a boring history listen coursing through my veins. No, I don't get the metaphor that well either. But I'm sticking with it. Now that's what I call conviction.
My birthday is coming up soon. Twenty Six. Heh. Wow. I don't feel a day over 18 sometimes, and then there are times when I feel as though I'm already hitting 62. Perhaps it is just a matter of perspective. I certainly don't feel as though my numerical age should be an impediment to anything.
So happy June everyone. And Please come to my house for my birthday. :)
My birthday is coming up soon. Twenty Six. Heh. Wow. I don't feel a day over 18 sometimes, and then there are times when I feel as though I'm already hitting 62. Perhaps it is just a matter of perspective. I certainly don't feel as though my numerical age should be an impediment to anything.
So happy June everyone. And Please come to my house for my birthday. :)
Friday, May 28, 2010
This is a toast.
A toast to the beauty of the female form.
An ode to the wonderfully sculpted artistry of the fairer sex.
A homage to the indescribable.
A celebration.. Of the most beautiful legs I have ever seen.
<3 MT :)
An ode to the wonderfully sculpted artistry of the fairer sex.
A homage to the indescribable.
A celebration.. Of the most beautiful legs I have ever seen.
<3 MT :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I feel happy.
So what if I'm sick? :)
Daymaker. You have no idea. LAWL. I is t3h 4\/\/350|\/|3!
A legal way to get high! Drugs are a man's best friend! Or at the very least, his best form of pretense to preclude the existence of life-changing and soul-destroying inanities.
Rawr.
I feel happy.
Daymaker. You have no idea. LAWL. I is t3h 4\/\/350|\/|3!
A legal way to get high! Drugs are a man's best friend! Or at the very least, his best form of pretense to preclude the existence of life-changing and soul-destroying inanities.
Rawr.
I feel happy.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Feel it.
The curtains drew back.
The swell of applause was heartfelt, but tentative. What were they going to see? What had they come to witness? The electricity in the air was subdued. The nerves were there, but the smile clicked into place just as the spotlight came on. There was a show to be made.
The fisrt few notes rang out into the night air. The soft, delicate sounds of a soul began to spill forth. All pretense of shyness and self-consciousness were thrown out the window. This is it. This is the moment that is always worth waiting for.
Slow steps, walking off the stage. Applause. The joy of high-5s and pats on the back. The deluge of compliments and handshakes. The moment has come to an end.
Thank you for listening.
Swinburne's Got Talent, and I did an acoustic guitar number. Didn't even make it to the Top 5, which surprised the hell out of everyone, least of all me. But hey, it doesn't matter. I love what I do.
And to those that were there, thank you. :)
The swell of applause was heartfelt, but tentative. What were they going to see? What had they come to witness? The electricity in the air was subdued. The nerves were there, but the smile clicked into place just as the spotlight came on. There was a show to be made.
On behalf of all the guys in the house, girls, this song is for you. Girls, we love you. We care about you. Even if you don't give a crap about us anymore, that doesn't stop us from always caring, always wanting to be there for you, and always loving you.
So please, listen carefully to what this song has to say. Listen to the words, and learn to know what it's like, for us, when we care about you.
The fisrt few notes rang out into the night air. The soft, delicate sounds of a soul began to spill forth. All pretense of shyness and self-consciousness were thrown out the window. This is it. This is the moment that is always worth waiting for.
Turn out the lightsThere are hearts skipping beats. There are vanities that cast furtive glances at their own reflections. There are callous minds that start to question their own choices and logic. Reaching deep down, the music starts to soar, the purveyor of its message in harmony with a melody of its own design.
Just say goodnight to yourself
May I remind you
when you find you're
all alone it's true you've got to be strong
That's when they call you in the night
He's got your picture in his mind
He's got your number on a paper
at his disposal anytime
Is it really true that you'll save yourself for someone whoA pause. A slight intake of breath. The air is still. But not for long. They're all listening now. They can all hear it. They can all sense the sentiment underneath it all. The pain. The care. The love. It is not easy showing all of this to anyone. It is harder still, to share this with everyone. The spotlight starts to burn.
Loves you for you?
So many times we just give it away to someone who
Someone who..
You met in a barThe emotion is in plain sight now. The words come out as sincere as they could ever be. They listen intently, critically, with both eyes and ears. There is no conscious thought now. It's all happening on its own. The show has taken on its own meaning, has created an existence entirely of its own making. It's beautiful.
The back of a car
And for a moment you felt important
But not in your heart
'Cos my self esteem it's been low
Go ahead and count it's been lower than low
I knwo the feeling of it stealing
Right down from underneath
'Cos I wanna learn
That you'll save yourself for someone whoThe tears are close to the surface now. Memories. Flashbacks. Tragedies. Highs. Lows. They are all there, all offering themselves to partake in this conflicting festival of an audio visual dance of the heart, mind and soul. The spotlight seems hot. Suffocating. Sweat drips. But it matters not. Everything is out there. Nothing has been hidden. They can make their own judgments. They can draw their own conclusions. But the show has come and gone.
Loves you for you
So many times we just give it away to someone who
Couldn't even remember your name
You save yourself for someone who'll
Love you for you
Love me for me
Keep it away for someone who
Someone who'll
Cherish your name...
Slow steps, walking off the stage. Applause. The joy of high-5s and pats on the back. The deluge of compliments and handshakes. The moment has come to an end.
Thank you for listening.
Swinburne's Got Talent, and I did an acoustic guitar number. Didn't even make it to the Top 5, which surprised the hell out of everyone, least of all me. But hey, it doesn't matter. I love what I do.
And to those that were there, thank you. :)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
WARNING : This post can be misconstrued as being whiney or just plain emo.
I am demanding. I expect a lot. I am difficult. I am cantankerous. I am emotional. I am intense. I am angry. I am complex. I have issues. I am weird. I am persistent. I am close to losing my sanity.
Do you want to come anywhere near me?
Does anyone want to come anywhere near me?
I don't know. I'm beginning to think not so.Perhaps it explains a lot of things in my current situation.
Perhaps I'm thinking too much. Perhaps it's my time of the month.
Sigh.
I want to hate you.
Do you want to come anywhere near me?
Does anyone want to come anywhere near me?
I don't know. I'm beginning to think not so.Perhaps it explains a lot of things in my current situation.
Perhaps I'm thinking too much. Perhaps it's my time of the month.
Sigh.
I want to hate you.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Presenting to you, the gist of my existence.
Not really.
I have a presentation today. I actually love doing presentations. What I hate though, is preparing for them. Making slides, condensing reports into point form, trying to keep in mind time limits. It's like debating, in a way, minus the freedom of interpretation and the relative lack of pressure. Although having said that, having weeks to prepare beforehand doesn't really help. Inevitably, the slides will only be prepared the night before.
Or in today's case, a couple of hours before.
I feel spiffy though. Hair's a mess, but I must say, I look awesome in a collared shirt and tie, with my blazer. Rawr. Okay, narcissism aside, it IS a requirement to get all dressed up for these things. You get marks for 'presentation & delivery' you know. :)
I can't believe how much debating has helped me with all of this presentation lark. The ability to think on your feet, to compromise your words to ensure you stay on time, being able to respond quickly, accurately and confidently during the Q&As. All these aspects have been improved by my participation in debating. I am finally aware of how much I owe to an activity that most of the general public considers to be a talking shop that wastes a colossal amount of time not really achieving anything.
Thanks, Swinburne Debate Club.
I have a presentation today. I actually love doing presentations. What I hate though, is preparing for them. Making slides, condensing reports into point form, trying to keep in mind time limits. It's like debating, in a way, minus the freedom of interpretation and the relative lack of pressure. Although having said that, having weeks to prepare beforehand doesn't really help. Inevitably, the slides will only be prepared the night before.
Or in today's case, a couple of hours before.
I feel spiffy though. Hair's a mess, but I must say, I look awesome in a collared shirt and tie, with my blazer. Rawr. Okay, narcissism aside, it IS a requirement to get all dressed up for these things. You get marks for 'presentation & delivery' you know. :)
I can't believe how much debating has helped me with all of this presentation lark. The ability to think on your feet, to compromise your words to ensure you stay on time, being able to respond quickly, accurately and confidently during the Q&As. All these aspects have been improved by my participation in debating. I am finally aware of how much I owe to an activity that most of the general public considers to be a talking shop that wastes a colossal amount of time not really achieving anything.
Thanks, Swinburne Debate Club.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
All that you left behind.
All it took was one small memento that you left.
All it took was one small reminder of the sweetness of your presence.
All it took was one small token to bring back the scent of your hair and the warmth of your touch.
I haven't seen you in person for a long time. Or, at the very least, what feels like a long time. On the cosmic scale of things, this absence would serve as nothing more than a blip that would barely register. But we're not talking about cosmic scales. We're not talking about grandiose timelines. We're not referring to abstract constructs of time itself.
We're talking about my world. And the place that you occupy in it.
It is the simple essence of missing you. Thinking of you. Wishing for your proximity and your generous smile to brighten a day. And to illuminate the night that follows. To have the delicately deliberate movement of your hands slowly closing around me and your aura enveloping me. Such uncomplicated joy. Such depth in the space of such minimalist interaction.
Am I caught up in you? Yes, I am. I make no apologies for it. I cannot help but fall, for there would no one else worthy of the attention that you have rightly earned.
For being different.
For being delightfully left-field.
For being you.
For reaching far into me and seeing me for who I am, and beginning to understand the sheer complexity that serves as the character that I possess.
I fear though. A fear that is brought on by the realisation that one day, I could be just a memory. A statistic. A passing phase in the glorious rainbow that makes up your life. It humbles me, to feel this small, this insignificant, in the face of such awe-inspiring eternality. Have I enriched your life? Have I made a difference? Have I done enough to matter?
I do not know, in all honesty. I do not know if I linger in your memory, or am just a footnote in your day.
What I do know is that I am not without merit, and that I am worthy, if given the chance, of absolutely being the best your life could ever give you.
I fear though, that to you, I will just be the memento that got left behind. To you, it might be nothing.
To me, it could change the very fabric of my world.
All it took was one small reminder of the sweetness of your presence.
All it took was one small token to bring back the scent of your hair and the warmth of your touch.
I haven't seen you in person for a long time. Or, at the very least, what feels like a long time. On the cosmic scale of things, this absence would serve as nothing more than a blip that would barely register. But we're not talking about cosmic scales. We're not talking about grandiose timelines. We're not referring to abstract constructs of time itself.
We're talking about my world. And the place that you occupy in it.
It is the simple essence of missing you. Thinking of you. Wishing for your proximity and your generous smile to brighten a day. And to illuminate the night that follows. To have the delicately deliberate movement of your hands slowly closing around me and your aura enveloping me. Such uncomplicated joy. Such depth in the space of such minimalist interaction.
Am I caught up in you? Yes, I am. I make no apologies for it. I cannot help but fall, for there would no one else worthy of the attention that you have rightly earned.
For being different.
For being delightfully left-field.
For being you.
For reaching far into me and seeing me for who I am, and beginning to understand the sheer complexity that serves as the character that I possess.
I fear though. A fear that is brought on by the realisation that one day, I could be just a memory. A statistic. A passing phase in the glorious rainbow that makes up your life. It humbles me, to feel this small, this insignificant, in the face of such awe-inspiring eternality. Have I enriched your life? Have I made a difference? Have I done enough to matter?
I do not know, in all honesty. I do not know if I linger in your memory, or am just a footnote in your day.
What I do know is that I am not without merit, and that I am worthy, if given the chance, of absolutely being the best your life could ever give you.
I fear though, that to you, I will just be the memento that got left behind. To you, it might be nothing.
To me, it could change the very fabric of my world.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Kenyalang Debate Open .
I actually had more to say, but I drew a blank just as the page loaded.
How was the tournament? I had two junior newbies with me. And hey, we broke and made it to the quarters. I was happy with the level of adjudication in some debates, thought I was royally pissed off by the result in one of the prelims, when I just could not accept the loss being given to us, even though we were government, opp had failed to engage us, etc etc... It's not that I had a personal issue with the adjudicator in question (she was considered one of the best after all), it's just that I could not coincide the fact that she might have had a bad round too, with me having a very average one, resulting in a decision that I just could not accept with the justification given.
I ended up somewhere in the top 20 for speakers based on scores, and I even managed to get through to the Public Speaking final, but only got third, which again ticked me off. However, the less I say about it the better. I knew I could have done better, and that's that.
I am extremely proud of my two juniors. They fought hard and fought well, with one of them breaking the 8 minute barrier, in only her 6th ever debate! She will forever be known as Miss 8 Minutes, and it is a label she can wear with pride. Heck, even I've never gone to 8 minutes, and I'm supposedly the senior one with tonnes more to say :)
A debate tournament would not be a tournament without the socialising. And it was actually pretty alright, as we had not really expected much due to it being a local tournament. With the West Malaysia teams there, it turned out pretty okay. Props go out to the SMART (Seremban Matriculation Association for Reformed Transvestites, although one of them is actually from UiTM Shah Alam), who won the whole damn thing and who provided a lot of comedic gold, as well as UiTM Sarawak for organising it, specifically the convener Paul Racha! Shoutouts goto UiTM Sabah 2, as well as UiTM Kedah, and a special mention for the UPM teams, who were always good company. I don't really know who else to thank, as the list is long, but suffice to say, thanks to all of you for a wonderful time :)
As to how the debates themselves unfolded, I have to face the very real possibility that I just do not belong as first speaker. There were times when I tried to pre-empt government cases as Opp Leader, and ended up getting jumped, or having the points I had formulated with my teammates rendered irrelevant. I felt bad as I badly let down my two juniors in our three losses throughout the tournament, although one was due to an adjudicating disagreement that I have subsequently gotten over, and one loss was due to... the other team having better English than us? (I'm sorry SMART, but you supposedly won with ONE substansive, and we had three which you couldn't take down! *raspberry*)
So am I not 1st Speaker material? I just think I need more practise with it, and more experience to boot. However, should it be proven that I am unable to properly formulate cases and think quickly on the fly to re-align our stances, then perhaps I just need to move back to 2nd speaker, or maybe 3rd. It was particularly galling for me though, that we could have, and should have, gotten to the semifinals. I'm determined more than ever to debate better, and the past few tournaments has just proven to me that I at the very least, still have some more potential to maximise.
So the debate season for this semester is over. But hey, bi-weekly training sessions are still there to be looked forward to :) And I still have the training sessions with Lodge to oversee. So it's not like I'm going to abandon debate entirely till British Parliamentary season starts in August. After this it's all exams and assignments, and the dull grind that is real life. More thoughts on that later, when I am not so depressed thinking about it.
How was the tournament? I had two junior newbies with me. And hey, we broke and made it to the quarters. I was happy with the level of adjudication in some debates, thought I was royally pissed off by the result in one of the prelims, when I just could not accept the loss being given to us, even though we were government, opp had failed to engage us, etc etc... It's not that I had a personal issue with the adjudicator in question (she was considered one of the best after all), it's just that I could not coincide the fact that she might have had a bad round too, with me having a very average one, resulting in a decision that I just could not accept with the justification given.
I ended up somewhere in the top 20 for speakers based on scores, and I even managed to get through to the Public Speaking final, but only got third, which again ticked me off. However, the less I say about it the better. I knew I could have done better, and that's that.
I am extremely proud of my two juniors. They fought hard and fought well, with one of them breaking the 8 minute barrier, in only her 6th ever debate! She will forever be known as Miss 8 Minutes, and it is a label she can wear with pride. Heck, even I've never gone to 8 minutes, and I'm supposedly the senior one with tonnes more to say :)
A debate tournament would not be a tournament without the socialising. And it was actually pretty alright, as we had not really expected much due to it being a local tournament. With the West Malaysia teams there, it turned out pretty okay. Props go out to the SMART (Seremban Matriculation Association for Reformed Transvestites, although one of them is actually from UiTM Shah Alam), who won the whole damn thing and who provided a lot of comedic gold, as well as UiTM Sarawak for organising it, specifically the convener Paul Racha! Shoutouts goto UiTM Sabah 2, as well as UiTM Kedah, and a special mention for the UPM teams, who were always good company. I don't really know who else to thank, as the list is long, but suffice to say, thanks to all of you for a wonderful time :)
As to how the debates themselves unfolded, I have to face the very real possibility that I just do not belong as first speaker. There were times when I tried to pre-empt government cases as Opp Leader, and ended up getting jumped, or having the points I had formulated with my teammates rendered irrelevant. I felt bad as I badly let down my two juniors in our three losses throughout the tournament, although one was due to an adjudicating disagreement that I have subsequently gotten over, and one loss was due to... the other team having better English than us? (I'm sorry SMART, but you supposedly won with ONE substansive, and we had three which you couldn't take down! *raspberry*)
So am I not 1st Speaker material? I just think I need more practise with it, and more experience to boot. However, should it be proven that I am unable to properly formulate cases and think quickly on the fly to re-align our stances, then perhaps I just need to move back to 2nd speaker, or maybe 3rd. It was particularly galling for me though, that we could have, and should have, gotten to the semifinals. I'm determined more than ever to debate better, and the past few tournaments has just proven to me that I at the very least, still have some more potential to maximise.
So the debate season for this semester is over. But hey, bi-weekly training sessions are still there to be looked forward to :) And I still have the training sessions with Lodge to oversee. So it's not like I'm going to abandon debate entirely till British Parliamentary season starts in August. After this it's all exams and assignments, and the dull grind that is real life. More thoughts on that later, when I am not so depressed thinking about it.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Say what you need to say.
Character is the summation of experience both tragic and wonderful. The destitution of melancholy is balanced by the simple beauty of good company.
It has been bouncing around in my head for quite some time, this particular collection of words. It is my own riposte to the overreaching negativity that usually threatens to drown me when I indulge in deep thinking and endless philosophical debate regarding the development of my personality.
It is then rather random, why I decided to say this to someone who merely commented upon the differing nature of my character, rather than its uniqueness or impressiveness. I simply do not know why I decided to share it. But share it I did.
I wonder, sometimes inexplicably so, why I allow myself the indulgence of delving so deeply into my own psyche on a regular basis. Maybe it is simply an escape from the mundane inanities my life seems to comprise of, and the extreme problems that my mistakes have brought upon me. Maybe I do so because there is so much unfinished business floating around in my head that it is a daily affair to attain closure in one matter or another.
Maybe I do so, because it is the only way I know how to contemplate living with myself, and being able to look at the person I see in the mirror every morning, and not want to shoot him. For being an insufferable prat.
On balance, I am not in possession of friendship/relationship-crippling flaws that doom my social interactions. I know I'm friendly, open-minded, discussive in approach, articulate and a good listener. I also know that I am not stupid, that I am in possession of a keen mind and a well-developed intellect, and that I have many things to offer when in a participatory conversation of substance and depth.
Yet I am inherently pessimistic about how people view me. I am intensely aware of the flaws that I carry, and it sits uneasily with me that I actually possess flaws. Whilst it sounds highly arrogant and extraordinarily conceited to talk as though all flaws can actually be eradicated, I do try to remedy my cracks as best as I can. I want to be perfect, and the sad thing is that I know I can never be. And I know how far I am from it.
Perhaps it is misplaced anguish on my part to let my flaws get to me so readily. It is not as if I have been a complete failure in life, to encourage such anxiety. I have achieved a lot, on the face of it. Gold medal-winning athlete, captain of three different sports teams in school, representative for football for every university I have ever turned out for, debater, award winner, public speaker, writer, photographer, multiple best student awards.. Balanced out by being a university drop-out, various misdemeanors regarding personal choices, life-changing mistakes, and the vicious cycle of self-destructive behaviour.
My past is a dichotomy of contradictions, a dysfunctional dystopia (hah, I did it again) of conflicting abstracts. Indeed, when all is said and done, it is a summation of experience, both tragic and wonderful.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
UKM IV - Debate we did, adjudicate we shall.
In all honesty, I did not retain any high hopes for how this tournament would go for me. First major tournament I'd be adjudicating, first major tournament in West Malaysia I'd be adjudicating, first major tournament since 2008 (not counting our own WSDC).. Well, you get the idea.
However, I should be pleasantly surprised at how I was able to keep up with the level required to be a relative success at the tournament. In truth, I felt I was heavily penalised by the adjudicator core, simply because I was too generous with how I awarded marks.This resulted in me not breaking into the knockout rounds as an adjudicator. It irked me a lot, simply because I was pretty confident that I had provided better feedback than the Chair Adjus in my rooms, and that I had demonstrated far more empathy in giving oral adjudications.
Someone hinted to me that it was for political reasons that I was not allowed to break, although that would detract from what was, in truth, a good tournament, if one with no frills, pomp or circumstance. It's not easy analysing debates, and trying to get a feel for how everything has developed. I believe though, it is something I do bloody well, which I felt was borne out to me when I felt that I developed far better bonds with the debaters in my rooms than my chair adjus did. Although this is, of course, debatable. :) *boom boom and indeed, boom*
Apart from that particular adjudicating sorepoint, Swinburne did not do well. 4 teams, only 1 in the knockout rounds, one team suffering 4 losses and only one win. It was by far one of our worst performances as an Institution in any tournament, and hints at the fact that we have a lot of work to do to correct the weaknesses that have been identified as being the causes for our downfall.
Team compositions need to be re-evaluated, team dynamics need to be re-examined, training methods will require re-examination, and training sessions will need to be re-tinkered with. It is beyond any doubt that our teams have a good English-speaking base to build from, but somewhere between making the step from being good at arguing to being good at debating, errors have been made. It is immensely frustrating to see the potential that our teams possess, and not see it fulfilled.
Being on the sidelines, as it were, for this tournament, allowed me to see it played out in a manner far easier to dissect. I regularly fielded questions as to 'why aren't you debating', with the reality being that I was just being rotated as a senior to adjudicate, and the others get to debate. But at the very least I feel that I have grown as a debater in this tournament, because I know now, far better than before, what it takes to convince adjudicators that you should win.
So how was the social aspect of UKM IV? In one word, memorable :) Staying up till 3 a.m in the common lounge with SMKDJ, CBN and the other Swinburners, was a highlight for me, as well as the various philosophical, personal and emotional discussions being held throughout the final day. Tragic first love stories aside, there was a good social mix to the tournament, although due to its shortness (only 3 days), there really wasn't enough time get to know everyone else a bit more.
My memories go out chiefly to the CBN-ners and the SMKDJ gang for enlivening up the days, and providing ample ammunition for excuses to make fun of other people. As someone dared to point out to me, your sarcasm is a self-defense mechanism, and you use your humour as a shield. It's a genuine, and pleasant surprise, for someone to get through to me for a change. Thank you :)
Kenyalang Debate Open next! It starts tonight! Let's get it on!
However, I should be pleasantly surprised at how I was able to keep up with the level required to be a relative success at the tournament. In truth, I felt I was heavily penalised by the adjudicator core, simply because I was too generous with how I awarded marks.This resulted in me not breaking into the knockout rounds as an adjudicator. It irked me a lot, simply because I was pretty confident that I had provided better feedback than the Chair Adjus in my rooms, and that I had demonstrated far more empathy in giving oral adjudications.
Someone hinted to me that it was for political reasons that I was not allowed to break, although that would detract from what was, in truth, a good tournament, if one with no frills, pomp or circumstance. It's not easy analysing debates, and trying to get a feel for how everything has developed. I believe though, it is something I do bloody well, which I felt was borne out to me when I felt that I developed far better bonds with the debaters in my rooms than my chair adjus did. Although this is, of course, debatable. :) *boom boom and indeed, boom*
Apart from that particular adjudicating sorepoint, Swinburne did not do well. 4 teams, only 1 in the knockout rounds, one team suffering 4 losses and only one win. It was by far one of our worst performances as an Institution in any tournament, and hints at the fact that we have a lot of work to do to correct the weaknesses that have been identified as being the causes for our downfall.
Team compositions need to be re-evaluated, team dynamics need to be re-examined, training methods will require re-examination, and training sessions will need to be re-tinkered with. It is beyond any doubt that our teams have a good English-speaking base to build from, but somewhere between making the step from being good at arguing to being good at debating, errors have been made. It is immensely frustrating to see the potential that our teams possess, and not see it fulfilled.
Being on the sidelines, as it were, for this tournament, allowed me to see it played out in a manner far easier to dissect. I regularly fielded questions as to 'why aren't you debating', with the reality being that I was just being rotated as a senior to adjudicate, and the others get to debate. But at the very least I feel that I have grown as a debater in this tournament, because I know now, far better than before, what it takes to convince adjudicators that you should win.
So how was the social aspect of UKM IV? In one word, memorable :) Staying up till 3 a.m in the common lounge with SMKDJ, CBN and the other Swinburners, was a highlight for me, as well as the various philosophical, personal and emotional discussions being held throughout the final day. Tragic first love stories aside, there was a good social mix to the tournament, although due to its shortness (only 3 days), there really wasn't enough time get to know everyone else a bit more.
My memories go out chiefly to the CBN-ners and the SMKDJ gang for enlivening up the days, and providing ample ammunition for excuses to make fun of other people. As someone dared to point out to me, your sarcasm is a self-defense mechanism, and you use your humour as a shield. It's a genuine, and pleasant surprise, for someone to get through to me for a change. Thank you :)
Kenyalang Debate Open next! It starts tonight! Let's get it on!
Monday, May 3, 2010
5th Swinburne World Schools Debate Championships.
Did you know that you can swallow a litre of your own blood before you start feeling sick?
Curiously enough, I haven't actually blogged in a while. Why? I don't know really. I would ordinarily consider myself to be sufficiently egotistical to actually want to see my name up in lights on a regular basis. However, I have not felt that particular inclination much, lately. Perhaps it is because I have actually been busy with real life.
The past week was supposed to be a holiday, but I happily sacrificed it along with most of the Swinburne Debate Club to become a part of a very special occasion : The 5th Swinburne World Schools Debating Championships. Tears were shed, smiles were shared, and all of us were greatly enriched by the experience that it brought into our lives.
I was an adjudicator during the tournament. Which is basically a judge, with added justifications. (Okay, debater's joke done and dusted). It was amazing for me, as I had never adjudicated before in any official tournaments. I was even named favourite adjudicator by a few teams, which obviously made me very proud of what I had managed to achieve in the tournament. I did what I could so that every team that spoke to me could do as well as they possibly could, and I'm happy with how it all turned out.
My old school won in both categories :) Although to put on my unbiased hat on for a moment, they really could have, and should have, done better. I would dearly love to help them, but it is up to them if they really want my assistance, since I am willing to sacrifice the time necessary to make them not just good, but mind-blastingly awesome. School-level at least. At national and International level, I am still pretty much a n00b.
The overall vibe from the tournament has renewed my faith in the youth of today, and how they are progressing. I have met intensely fascinating characters, real personalities, intriguing walking mysteries, and of course, plenty of rather attractive looking members of the opposite gender. I'm happy, that those that I have met have re-affirmed my faith for the future. Thank you debaters. :)
Curiously enough, I haven't actually blogged in a while. Why? I don't know really. I would ordinarily consider myself to be sufficiently egotistical to actually want to see my name up in lights on a regular basis. However, I have not felt that particular inclination much, lately. Perhaps it is because I have actually been busy with real life.
The past week was supposed to be a holiday, but I happily sacrificed it along with most of the Swinburne Debate Club to become a part of a very special occasion : The 5th Swinburne World Schools Debating Championships. Tears were shed, smiles were shared, and all of us were greatly enriched by the experience that it brought into our lives.
I was an adjudicator during the tournament. Which is basically a judge, with added justifications. (Okay, debater's joke done and dusted). It was amazing for me, as I had never adjudicated before in any official tournaments. I was even named favourite adjudicator by a few teams, which obviously made me very proud of what I had managed to achieve in the tournament. I did what I could so that every team that spoke to me could do as well as they possibly could, and I'm happy with how it all turned out.
My old school won in both categories :) Although to put on my unbiased hat on for a moment, they really could have, and should have, done better. I would dearly love to help them, but it is up to them if they really want my assistance, since I am willing to sacrifice the time necessary to make them not just good, but mind-blastingly awesome. School-level at least. At national and International level, I am still pretty much a n00b.
The overall vibe from the tournament has renewed my faith in the youth of today, and how they are progressing. I have met intensely fascinating characters, real personalities, intriguing walking mysteries, and of course, plenty of rather attractive looking members of the opposite gender. I'm happy, that those that I have met have re-affirmed my faith for the future. Thank you debaters. :)
Friday, April 16, 2010
Friday Morning Blues
I have a sneaking suspicion that there is more to be had in this life.
However, they say the best things in life are free. So where's my handout of life-changing awesomeness?
Meh.
One-line philosophy is written by those that have a cruel sense of humour and an immense joy of schadenfraude.
Fuck you.
However, they say the best things in life are free. So where's my handout of life-changing awesomeness?
Meh.
One-line philosophy is written by those that have a cruel sense of humour and an immense joy of schadenfraude.
Fuck you.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Oh, an update.
I haven't been able to sit down and think about things that I have wanted to say on this particular channel of informational dissemination, considering that I am rather caught up in that pesky thing known as real life. Be it as it may, I owe it to myself to at least scribble down a few random thoughts as an ode to my ego and the embodiment of my over-inflated sense of self.
As it is, I am at a rather interesting crossroad this semester. It is the week where you either make a good semester great, or make a bad semester awful. Choices, decisions, gambles, risks, considerations, second-guesses. Take the road less traveled? Screw you Robert Foster, for your chancy philosophical poetic musings.
Before I get completely side-tracked, it is imperative on my part to note that I am actually in the midst of trying to repair a relatively okay semester, to make it into a good one. Why? I have been slacking. The sheer amount of activities has caught up to me. The gym workouts, the football training, the futsal, the assignments, the debate sessions, matches, work.. It's all getting a bit much. I come home every day absolutely knackered, and have rarely gone to sleep past 1 am anymore, which is an astounding achievement in itself.
Curiously enough, my videogaming has hardly suffered, as I have actually been able to budget my time for it much better than I thought I would. When I tell myself "Ok, time to stop", I actually DO. Unless of course there's a plot twist.. Or an unexpected loss.. Or there's a new area to explore.. Oh, you get the idea.
The fact of the matter is that I am tired. Really, really, REALLY tired. I'm slow to get up in the mornings, and I'm usually asleep before my head hits the pillow. The only thing keeping me afloat is my PS3 (I love you baby! Thank you thank you thank you girlinstiletto ;) ) and the joy it brings.
I should just graduate as soon as possible, and go work for a videogames company. Anyone know how I can get in touch with Crytek, or Sony Worldwide Studios?
As it is, I am at a rather interesting crossroad this semester. It is the week where you either make a good semester great, or make a bad semester awful. Choices, decisions, gambles, risks, considerations, second-guesses. Take the road less traveled? Screw you Robert Foster, for your chancy philosophical poetic musings.
Before I get completely side-tracked, it is imperative on my part to note that I am actually in the midst of trying to repair a relatively okay semester, to make it into a good one. Why? I have been slacking. The sheer amount of activities has caught up to me. The gym workouts, the football training, the futsal, the assignments, the debate sessions, matches, work.. It's all getting a bit much. I come home every day absolutely knackered, and have rarely gone to sleep past 1 am anymore, which is an astounding achievement in itself.
Curiously enough, my videogaming has hardly suffered, as I have actually been able to budget my time for it much better than I thought I would. When I tell myself "Ok, time to stop", I actually DO. Unless of course there's a plot twist.. Or an unexpected loss.. Or there's a new area to explore.. Oh, you get the idea.
The fact of the matter is that I am tired. Really, really, REALLY tired. I'm slow to get up in the mornings, and I'm usually asleep before my head hits the pillow. The only thing keeping me afloat is my PS3 (I love you baby! Thank you thank you thank you girlinstiletto ;) ) and the joy it brings.
I should just graduate as soon as possible, and go work for a videogames company. Anyone know how I can get in touch with Crytek, or Sony Worldwide Studios?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Indiscretion and Inundation.
I just wanted you to know something.
I love you.
Thank you for forgiving me for everything that I have ever done.
I love you.
Thank you for forgiving me for everything that I have ever done.
24 inches, HDMI, 1080p, RM 600. I heart You, Technology.
Only in Malaysia. Maybe. Who cares.
Technology rocks.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
That library again.
So here I am again. Curiously enough, it's actually pretty quiet today. I guess people have finally caught on to the idea that Gossip Girl is best reserved for the screen, and not real life. Then again, what would I know? (Talk about making assumptions, and drawing parallels that make no sense)
As it is though, I find myself with little to do at the moment, other than to count down the minutes to the next appointment I have, which is supposed to be in a little under 2 hours time. I could eat (again), but I wouldn't want those recent hours being put into the gym and football training to go to waste simply because I am bored.
I've been playing Final Fantasy XIII a lot lately. Way more than any person (other than a fellow gamer) would consider healthy or nomal, and I have paid for it with a lack of sleep. It is simply too addictive. I'll be coming up with part two of my review on it soon, which will cover the deliciously intricate battle system, which is by far one of the biggest reasons to actually play it.
I am unabashedly in love with Lightning, and Vanille. Serah is taken (gasp, I know) so perhaps I should stay away from pining for her too much. Having said that though, maybe it would be unhealthy to begin with, to even suggest any sort of emtoional attachment with what amounts to be a punch of polygons on a disc, being pushed out on to a screen. Then again, the same could be said of people that develop attachments to movie or book characters, entities that merely exist in a medium of entertainment, and not in real life.
It puzzles me why there are human beings that seek to rubbish the videogame culture, implying that it is nothing more than sad childish escapism, when the same could be said of other entertainment options (Roger Ebert, I'm looking at you). If you were, on average, to watch a movie three times a week, be it in the cinema or at home, assuming that a movie is generally two hours long, then that means you use up 6 hours just sitting there and watching. And this is better than picking up a video game and using your brain to outwit the AI and exercising your fingers to do your will?
For those of you that consider videogames to be merely child's play, then please, pick up a copy of FFXIII, or God Of War 3, or Metal Gear Solid 4, or Uncharted 2, and tell me that your brain doesn't HURT trying to figure out everything; that the stories being told are not legitimate attempts at not just entertainment, but discussions on morality, ethics, love, life, philosophy and history; that the underlying genius of being a game developer lies in not merely making a world for us to play in, but making us feel like we are active participants in something greater than ourselves.
I am not advocating an existence that ignores reality. Far from it. I am advocating an existence that has its reality augmented by not just the tangibility of the physical realm, but the lessons and experience that mediums of entertainment can offer us.
Go play a game. A proper one. Experience it at its most intense, and fullest. I guarantee you will learn something new about yourself, and how you view the world.
Seriously, what is up with this library?
As it is though, I find myself with little to do at the moment, other than to count down the minutes to the next appointment I have, which is supposed to be in a little under 2 hours time. I could eat (again), but I wouldn't want those recent hours being put into the gym and football training to go to waste simply because I am bored.
I am unabashedly in love with Lightning, and Vanille. Serah is taken (gasp, I know) so perhaps I should stay away from pining for her too much. Having said that though, maybe it would be unhealthy to begin with, to even suggest any sort of emtoional attachment with what amounts to be a punch of polygons on a disc, being pushed out on to a screen. Then again, the same could be said of people that develop attachments to movie or book characters, entities that merely exist in a medium of entertainment, and not in real life.
It puzzles me why there are human beings that seek to rubbish the videogame culture, implying that it is nothing more than sad childish escapism, when the same could be said of other entertainment options (Roger Ebert, I'm looking at you). If you were, on average, to watch a movie three times a week, be it in the cinema or at home, assuming that a movie is generally two hours long, then that means you use up 6 hours just sitting there and watching. And this is better than picking up a video game and using your brain to outwit the AI and exercising your fingers to do your will?
Let's not kid ourselves. None of us will become Luke Skywalker, and have the opportunity to blow up a moon-sized battle station. None of us will become Jack Sparrow, and be able to survive seemingly impossible odds just by swigging rum and making it up as we go along. None of us will become Batman, with huge amounts of money and martial arts skills that would give Bruce Lee a run for his money.
But in a video game, we can. It is one of the few, if not the only, way to be able to experience euphoria on an epic scale, to have an inkling of what it feels like to save lives, to experience new adventures, to challenge societal norms. In short, we can change the world.
Is that childish? Is that a sign of immaturity? To go up and beyond our normal selves, to become guardians of the virutal universe, to go beyond what we could possibly do in the mundane reality that we all share?
I am not advocating an existence that ignores reality. Far from it. I am advocating an existence that has its reality augmented by not just the tangibility of the physical realm, but the lessons and experience that mediums of entertainment can offer us.
Go play a game. A proper one. Experience it at its most intense, and fullest. I guarantee you will learn something new about yourself, and how you view the world.
Seriously, what is up with this library?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Final Fantasy XIII. Part 1 : Overview
So where do I start?
Final Fantasy is a game of extremes, but also compromises. It is a bastion of JRPG conventions, yet a willing executioner of its most highly-regarded traditions. It is chock full of flair, but also conservatism. An amalgamation of brilliance, interspersed with unmissable flaws. It is, in essence, a conflict of loyalty, progressiveness, and dare I say it, Japan VS North America.
The game has been gracing storefronts since December 17th 2009 (Japanese) and March 9th 2010 (English version), and to date has sold nearly 3 million units in less than 3 months of sales. Square Enix have said that it is the fastest selling Final Fantasy in its history. But does commercial success translate to critical acclaim?
This is where the picture gets slightly murkier.
On the surface, if you are new to the universe (or should I say, multi-verse) of Final Fantasy, this game is a thoroughly amazing advertisement for the creativity, innovation and genius of game developers, particularly the team behind this iteration; Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshitaka Amano, Yoshinori Kitase, Motomu Toriyama, Toshiro Tsuchida and others.
Yet if you are a long-time follower of the series (as I am, since the days of FF7, 13 years ago), then this game could end up being a shock. A real big shock. In fact, it could be traumatic. JRPGs, should they follow the lead established by FFXIII, will never be the same again. But enough philosophical dithering. What of the game itself?
Into this setting comes our protagonist, a strong-willed and battle hardened former sergeant of the Sanctum Guardian Corps, Lightning. She is joined on her journey by 5 other protagonists - Snow, a small-time rebellion leader of the group called NORA; Hope, a teenage boy driven by grief and despair, Vanille, a red-head with nary a care in the world; Sazh, a man with a quirky personality and wit; and Fang, a woman with mysterious motivations of her own. Another major, but non-playable, character, is Lightning's sister, Serah, who is engaged to Snow, creating another set of complications.
They are all joined together after being branded / cursed l'Cie (luh-see) by Pulse fal'Cie, meaning that they have to accomplish a 'Focus' or mission assigned to them by that particular fal'Cie, or risk a fate worse than they could ever imagine.
(L-R, Front) Fang, Serah, Hope
(L-R, Rear) Lightning, Sazh, Snow, Vanille
The first thing that anyone and everyone needs to know about FFXIII, is this : this game is incredibly linear. It is the one thing more than anything else that has nerdrage (that's an actual word) on fan forums boiling over to previously unimaginable levels, coupled with the loss of other JRPG staples, such as towns, a world map, mana points (MP) and traditional levelling up mechanics (EXP, AP).
You level up in this game by defeating enemies and gaining CP (Crystogen Points) which are spent on activating nodes in Crystarium that correspond to attributes or skills. It is very similar to FFX's Sphere Board, although it does not have as much freedom. There are no shops as such, as many things are done through Save Points, such as purchasing new weapons & items, selling unwanted items, and weapon upgrading. Items you collect as battle drops (loot) can be used to upgrade your weapons, which gain RPG-esque characteristics and can be leveled up.
The loss of so many traditional JRPG elements renders Final Fantasy XIII as a radical departure from the series, yet what it excels at enhances its claims as a true guardian of the Final Fantasy name. It is indeed, a game of extremes and compromises.
And what does it excel at? The magnificent execution of its Battle System.
Part 2 : Battle System (coming soon)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I think it's fair to say...
... that I am in love.
And with more than one girl at a time.
And with more than one girl at a time.
Lightning
Serah
Vanille
Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshitaka Amano, what are you trying to do to me?!
A more in-depth look at Final Fantasy XIII will follow.. Once I get all these rather interesting fantasies out of the way.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Contradictory inanities.
The library is quite a strange place.
For starters, it's not really called a library. So you can talk your head off in here. No one really gives a toss if your handphone goes off. And the PCs here, at a glance, seem to run entirely in a Facebook-controlled universe. Surreal. A quick glance through it all confirms that you have indeed, left Kansas.
I'm sure all the parents of these students would feel such pride at what their 2,000 dollar semester fees are being used up on. All that Internet bandwidth just to see if Davina really did hook up with Joey last night? Oh no he dee'ent. *insert exaggerated hand motion here* I SO can't see why anyone likes that tramp Tina! Look at her pics! She's barely got anything on! *insert hair flick here, even though no one is watching*
But I digress. I suppose I'm being far too general and mean. Then again, such a paradox could only occur here in this university, in this country. Although I would wager this probably happens far more in North America, the land of opportunity, freedom, and getting your balls electrocuted for having a beard and dark skin, and a name rednecks can't pronounce properly. Unless you're in Canada.
Dysfunctional dystopia (hah, see what I did there?) that this place is though, it is still a 'home' of sorts, since I spend the majority of my day in this particular corner of the Earth. Although when I say corner, I should probably explain that it's a particularly dark and damp one. As much as I bitch about it (and will probably continue to do so through this avenue), I sort of like it here. The food isn't bad, some of the student populace are quite agreeable company, and the chicks are not too shabby looking.
Although having said that, there are still one too many girls that somehow think they're 'all that', and dress/act accordingly.
Ladies, here's a tip. Yes, Bialystock and Bloom would sing, if you've got it, flaunt it. But in real life, a guy doesn't want a girl to go over the top. When you're beautiful, be it on the inside or outside, don't ham it up. Because any guy worth his salt, will be able to recognise it, without you having to advertise it like beauty products during the 8 o'clock news.
This is one hell of a library.
For starters, it's not really called a library. So you can talk your head off in here. No one really gives a toss if your handphone goes off. And the PCs here, at a glance, seem to run entirely in a Facebook-controlled universe. Surreal. A quick glance through it all confirms that you have indeed, left Kansas.
I'm sure all the parents of these students would feel such pride at what their 2,000 dollar semester fees are being used up on. All that Internet bandwidth just to see if Davina really did hook up with Joey last night? Oh no he dee'ent. *insert exaggerated hand motion here* I SO can't see why anyone likes that tramp Tina! Look at her pics! She's barely got anything on! *insert hair flick here, even though no one is watching*
But I digress. I suppose I'm being far too general and mean. Then again, such a paradox could only occur here in this university, in this country. Although I would wager this probably happens far more in North America, the land of opportunity, freedom, and getting your balls electrocuted for having a beard and dark skin, and a name rednecks can't pronounce properly. Unless you're in Canada.
Dysfunctional dystopia (hah, see what I did there?) that this place is though, it is still a 'home' of sorts, since I spend the majority of my day in this particular corner of the Earth. Although when I say corner, I should probably explain that it's a particularly dark and damp one. As much as I bitch about it (and will probably continue to do so through this avenue), I sort of like it here. The food isn't bad, some of the student populace are quite agreeable company, and the chicks are not too shabby looking.
Although having said that, there are still one too many girls that somehow think they're 'all that', and dress/act accordingly.
Ladies, here's a tip. Yes, Bialystock and Bloom would sing, if you've got it, flaunt it. But in real life, a guy doesn't want a girl to go over the top. When you're beautiful, be it on the inside or outside, don't ham it up. Because any guy worth his salt, will be able to recognise it, without you having to advertise it like beauty products during the 8 o'clock news.
This is one hell of a library.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Daftness and Insecurity.
It's thoroughly ridiculous to think about it. But I can't help myself. Can you?
Could we end up together? After all that's happened?
Perhaps I am just asking too much of current circumstances. Maybe current circumstances themselves are not fully understood either. Maybe you'll leave. Maybe you'll disappear. Or maybe, in a far likelier outcome, I'll do something stupid to put an end to it all.
You have always been so kind to me. Even in times of anger, the gentleness of your voice never wavered. The concern has never left. Bitterness, which is well deserved on my part, has never seemingly reared its head. And through all that has happened, you have continued to love me. To care about me. To show me what I once taught you. To embrace love in all its glory, and its pain.
You are an amazing human being. A testament to the strength of the human soul. The manifestation of the ideal of companionship. The pictorial definition of a soulmate. Forgiving, selfless, dedicated and honest.I am privileged and honoured to have you in my life.
I love you.
Could we end up together? After all that's happened?
Perhaps I am just asking too much of current circumstances. Maybe current circumstances themselves are not fully understood either. Maybe you'll leave. Maybe you'll disappear. Or maybe, in a far likelier outcome, I'll do something stupid to put an end to it all.
You have always been so kind to me. Even in times of anger, the gentleness of your voice never wavered. The concern has never left. Bitterness, which is well deserved on my part, has never seemingly reared its head. And through all that has happened, you have continued to love me. To care about me. To show me what I once taught you. To embrace love in all its glory, and its pain.
You are an amazing human being. A testament to the strength of the human soul. The manifestation of the ideal of companionship. The pictorial definition of a soulmate. Forgiving, selfless, dedicated and honest.I am privileged and honoured to have you in my life.
I love you.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Space Filler.
Here I am in a class called eMarketing.
The lecturer is cool and pretty laidback. He basically just talks for 15 minutes, and then let's us do whatever we want for the entire two hours. Last week I sat here talking about EVE Online with a classmate and had various discussions regarding Mods for Sins Of A Solar Empire, based on both Star Trek and Star Wars.
What you'll notice is that I have a certain affinity for space. Space in general, and science fiction in particular (which more often than not, happens in Space). As I write this though, the PC is currently the only outlet for me to fulfill my space addiction. Be it through documentaries (James May : On The Moon, The NASA Missions : Why We Left Earth, History Channel : The Universe), movies, and video games (Sins of A Solar Empire, Galactic Civilisations II).
This has been more evident since I suffered the misfortune of having all 4 of my gaming consoles cease to exist within the span of a few months. The PS3 packed it in with a YLOD (yellow light of death), the Xbox360 RROD'ed (Red Ring of Death), the PS2 died after 8 years of service, and the PSP got stolen after a house break-in. A total outlay of 900 US dollars would be required to get everything back, which is as unlikely as having Scarlett Johansson pull up at my house and asking me if I would marry her and give her babies.
Why space? Because, as canned as it might sound, and as hackneyed it will indeed seem, it is indeed the final frontier. The last great bastion of the Unknown which mankind is yet to comprehend, let alone conquer. There is something deeply seductive about the idea of leaving this ball of rock 93 million miles from the Sun, and going out into the infinite blackness of eternity. If only for the view.
The only way I would conceivably be able to do so, is through the wonderful medium of gaming, which has provided me with countless hours of space escapism, as I battle the Borg, destory the Empire, slay Helghast warriors, or just fly around as an interstellar trader.
Then again, perhaps space is just an outlet for me to forget the mundane realities of Earth, and the harsh practicality of having to deal with life. However, going into space for mankind, as a whole, has made us view life in an entirely new context, and has changed how the world sees itself, in relation to the rest of the universe. But there are pitfalls to that, aren't there? Because our first few steps into space have shown us that Earth is basically a tiny subatomic particle floating around a speck of dust (the sun), in an ocean trillions of times larger than the pacific. As James May said, it's not that we're small, or insignifcant; it could very well be that we don't matter at all.
Maybe that's why so few of us share this deep fascination, nay, love, of space and the adventure that it would undoubtedly turn out to be. Because we choose to ignore the possibility that we are nothing in the cosmic scale of things. Maybe Bruce was right, when he said that we are merely God's playthings, and that God is a kid with a magnifiying glass, and we're all merely ants to be burnt to death. Or even worse, the bacteria on the ants themselves.
Me? I don't care that we don't matter in the giant scheme of cosmic happenings. I just want my videogames back.
The lecturer is cool and pretty laidback. He basically just talks for 15 minutes, and then let's us do whatever we want for the entire two hours. Last week I sat here talking about EVE Online with a classmate and had various discussions regarding Mods for Sins Of A Solar Empire, based on both Star Trek and Star Wars.
What you'll notice is that I have a certain affinity for space. Space in general, and science fiction in particular (which more often than not, happens in Space). As I write this though, the PC is currently the only outlet for me to fulfill my space addiction. Be it through documentaries (James May : On The Moon, The NASA Missions : Why We Left Earth, History Channel : The Universe), movies, and video games (Sins of A Solar Empire, Galactic Civilisations II).
This has been more evident since I suffered the misfortune of having all 4 of my gaming consoles cease to exist within the span of a few months. The PS3 packed it in with a YLOD (yellow light of death), the Xbox360 RROD'ed (Red Ring of Death), the PS2 died after 8 years of service, and the PSP got stolen after a house break-in. A total outlay of 900 US dollars would be required to get everything back, which is as unlikely as having Scarlett Johansson pull up at my house and asking me if I would marry her and give her babies.
Why space? Because, as canned as it might sound, and as hackneyed it will indeed seem, it is indeed the final frontier. The last great bastion of the Unknown which mankind is yet to comprehend, let alone conquer. There is something deeply seductive about the idea of leaving this ball of rock 93 million miles from the Sun, and going out into the infinite blackness of eternity. If only for the view.
The only way I would conceivably be able to do so, is through the wonderful medium of gaming, which has provided me with countless hours of space escapism, as I battle the Borg, destory the Empire, slay Helghast warriors, or just fly around as an interstellar trader.
Then again, perhaps space is just an outlet for me to forget the mundane realities of Earth, and the harsh practicality of having to deal with life. However, going into space for mankind, as a whole, has made us view life in an entirely new context, and has changed how the world sees itself, in relation to the rest of the universe. But there are pitfalls to that, aren't there? Because our first few steps into space have shown us that Earth is basically a tiny subatomic particle floating around a speck of dust (the sun), in an ocean trillions of times larger than the pacific. As James May said, it's not that we're small, or insignifcant; it could very well be that we don't matter at all.
Maybe that's why so few of us share this deep fascination, nay, love, of space and the adventure that it would undoubtedly turn out to be. Because we choose to ignore the possibility that we are nothing in the cosmic scale of things. Maybe Bruce was right, when he said that we are merely God's playthings, and that God is a kid with a magnifiying glass, and we're all merely ants to be burnt to death. Or even worse, the bacteria on the ants themselves.
Me? I don't care that we don't matter in the giant scheme of cosmic happenings. I just want my videogames back.
A tribute to legal insanity.
Curiously enough, this isn't my first blog. Nor, in all fairness, will it end up being my last one either. There are phases when I wish to share my thoughts with the rest of the world. And then there are times when I withdraw into my sanctuary of deep thought, and tell the rest of the world to fuck off.
So here we are then. :)
What has inspired me to suddenly return to the blogsphere, after previous stalled attempts at pontificating the value of spreading the inane ramblings of a sub-psychotic journeyman of life? Perhaps it is rooted in a desire to be heard, no matter how irrelevant these musings are, or how pointless these speculations might be.
I must be crazy, after all. Considering that, after all is said and done, I just happen to like the idea of having my name in lights.
So here we are then. :)
What has inspired me to suddenly return to the blogsphere, after previous stalled attempts at pontificating the value of spreading the inane ramblings of a sub-psychotic journeyman of life? Perhaps it is rooted in a desire to be heard, no matter how irrelevant these musings are, or how pointless these speculations might be.
I must be crazy, after all. Considering that, after all is said and done, I just happen to like the idea of having my name in lights.
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