Of tired minds and old party animals that won't retire.

I was thinking about a lot of things at this late hour. Chief among those concerns was how am I going to make ends meet once I get out there into the real world. I appreciate all that my parents have done for me, and the employment opportunities that have been presented to me by them. Nothing can adequately express the love and gratitude I feel for their role in my life.

It is, however, time to move on.

It was when considering the relative merits of certain money-making ideas that I realised quite belatedly that the weekend is upon us. Whilst I would normally greet such a happening with a quick scroll through the handphone contact list and arrangement of various get-togethers and club-hopping, nothing of the sort happened to me when I woke up earlier today (Friday). All I could think about, was where I was going to find the means to pay my own bills (and of course, meeting special someones).

It was a seismic shift in terms of outlook. I didn't even realise I had gotten so far along this train. Am I glad it has happened? Yes, up to a point.

I enjoy parties as much as anyone can possibly enjoy them. I live it up when I can, with a daughter in tow and other responsibilities to fulfill. It has been the way of the land for me for quite a while now. I was comfortable.. And to quote Incubus, "going nowhere fast." This is a big step for me, and one that I hope to appreciate more in the coming days as I finally, FINALLY, decide to actually grow. It leaves me with one burning question though.

Will I ever be able to experience the highs and happiness of years gone by? Will I be able to appreciate those sorts of moments with the same intensity and elation of yesteryear? Can I possibly hope to find the points in time that have anchored the various periods of my life, that stand out to me as defining benchmarks of how I should feel and emote?

Or will I be too obsessed with moving on quickly to the Next Important Thing, or the New Project that will surely dominate my future life, at the expense of savouring the here and now?

I do not know. One thing is for sure. I invite you all along with me on the ride, to find out.

Red-Eyed Devil : Ep 1 - An Introduction

This is simply, a Manchester United and Football column. There, that wasn't hard, was it? :)

Est 1878

 I have been a Manchester United supporter for over 20 years. My first memory that I can clearly recall of Man U was watching them on TV in the UK, when they whipped Nottingham Forest 5-0. Before that, we (my family and I) had gone to Old Trafford a few times as part of our driving holidays, as my parents were students studying their Masters Degrees in Scotland. We never actually got to attend a match at OT, but seemed to show up their on matchdays when on holiday. Some of my most cherished possessions include photos taken with Mark Hughes and Neil Webb.

Credit : Jordan M Brumley (http://studentweb.fortlewis.edu/JMBRUMLEY/Soccer.html)

I realise that to some United supporters, and probably most Mancunians, my credentials do not stand up to consideration when assessing what makes a true United supporter. I stand by my club, however, regardless of the 'Bandwagon' jibes that are inevitably directed my way by those that consider birthplace a pre-requisite for being a supporter. I understand that viewpoint, because football at heart is a tribal sport, and one that appeals to our individual need to be part of the collective. We are one tribe after all, and tribes tend to be geographical in nature first and foremost, before attracting followers and converts from elsewhere.

Nick Hornby probably does a better job of describing it than I ever could, regardless of how many blogposts I put up about it.

To those that do not know who or what Manchester United are, I urge you to go visit their website and read up on them. :) (psst, it's www.manutd.com).

This column will be a weekly affair, with updates to come on Monday or Tuesday. So do come back, for your weekly dose of Red-Eyed Devil.

XplitShock : Ep 1 - An Introduction

I'll start off with an explanation of what this is supposed to be.

Every week, owing to my propensity to play games far more than is considered healthy for a 20 something male, I will be writing a column that expresses my love for this particular medium and discussing topics of the day. Or week. Whichever comes to mind.

First of all, why XplitShock?

Xplit (Split) comes from my own personality, being the indoor gaming hermit that I am, coupled with my propensity for outdoors-y activities such as sports, the occasional party and odd debate tournament or public speaking competition.

The DualShock3

Shock comes from the Sony PlayStation's controller, the DualShock, and indicates where I do most of my gaming. I suppose that must have been quite obvious to the well-informed among you.

As it is, the motivation behind this column is simple - I want to share my love of videogames with the world and my views on it. It is a dynamic medium, an interactive playground where your imagination, principles and views are merged with and challenged by that of the developers that have done their best to bring you into their world. No other medium of entertainment comes close to this sort of interactivity and immersion.

Lightning (Final Fantasy XIII)

No, I'm not talking about Angry Birds. I'm talking about games such as the Metal Gear Solid franchise, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts and God Of War. Games that transcend mere fun, and become genuine experiences that alter perceptions, raise questions and provoke discussions.

Having said that, I do intend to talk about the platforms themselves, as well as the state that the industry is in from time to time. After all, we can't have games without a games industry, can we?

So do come back, every Thursday or Friday, for your weekly dose of XplitShock. :)

The new NEW Facebook.

I've seen a lot of hate being spewed out over the Internet regarding the new Facebook interface. Comments have ranged from 'Stalker-ish ' to 'MARK ARE YOU CRAZY WHY I DUN GEDDIT?!' It is a source of amusement that this topic seems to provoke so much outrage at all, considering that Facebook has gone through many interface changes before.

Those changes provoked similar levels of vitriol and bile being directed at Messrs Zuckerberg & Co. But guess what? You're still on Facebook.

What continues to provide much mirth and merriment is that in spite of all that hate, people continue to use Facebook, regardless of its interface changes or liberal view on privacy. It is because of this that the Facebook team see no problem with all that they are doing. Hardly anyone is leaving Faecbook. There are hundreds and thousands of new users daily.

Simply put, they can do anything that they want, and people will put up with it.

This makes me wonder about the sort of expectations that people have on social networks such as Facebook and Twitter. Just what do you really want from all of these things? Everyone should know by now that the Internet is a domain that places privacy pretty low on the list of priorities, even if it's Facebook we're talking about. You put your information up there, and people can see it. "Ahh, but I can set privacy settings, right?"

Right up to a point. Because people at Facebook can still see what you've stuck up there. For you to have true privacy, indulge in a real physical social network, not an electronic one such as Facebook. Call your friends and family up. Meet them. Print out your photos. Make copies for everyone. That's what real social interaction is like. Have coffee. Make dinner parties. Consequently, and no surprise here, you can actually control who you meet, what they see, and what you want to keep to yourself. Job done, you have your 'privacy.'

I appreciate Facebook as much as the next guy, and I enjoy it for what it is. It is not the by-word for social interaction and privacy that many people seem to perceive it to be. Which is the point. Facebook will not replace your real friends or the secrets you share with them. Remember that the next time you complain that Mark and the Gang are stripping away every layer of privacy you have.

You asked for it.

Going out into the real world.

I have been rather active lately. Now that I've finally graduated, it seems as though plenty of new opportunities have the potential to present themselves. I'm not too sure what direction my life will take after this. Many things are up in the air. One thing is for certain though.

I will not go back to how I did things before.

I've applied for several different jobs in KL. All have either been advertising/branding/PR jobs or Writing. I realise that I have no work experience in these matters at all, but it's what I've always wanted to do. Playing the numbers game and the creative game at the same time? What a challenge to have!

Having said that, it hasn't been easy. I'm closer to 30 than 20, and I have never had to compete with anyone for a job in my life. I've never been exposed to the cruelty of the job interview or the crushing sense of disappointment that accompanies rejection. It's all new to me. It's something that I am having difficulty adapting to. Waking up, wondering what news shall greet me today, be it good or bad. Worrying where the next paycheck is going to come from.

Trapped by the freedom that comes without the safety net of a parental bank account.

I've been coasting along for so long in life, I barely even realised that any momentum I had ever built up, had already been filed away by the inertia of complacency. My growth has ground to a spectacular halt. I'm glad, for what it's worth, that I am able to even recognise this problem and to have the presence of mind to consider doing something about it. I owe much to those around me that have helped me see this.

Arrogance has been my undoing before this. I hope that humble ignorance can be the start of an epiphanic rebirth of the person that I am going to be, for the rest of my life.

I need an outlet of some kind.

And then I remembered I still own this little corner of the world to rant in.

*sigh*

I had so much more to say when I booted up the laptop. Now it's all gone.

I'm sorry.

I had a dream.

...But no song to sing.

As it is, it has been a rather hectic three weeks.

I am so tired. I am stressed. I need a holiday.

I need some loving.